The Gummi Bears of Gondor

So let’s pretend for a second that I’m not a huge Lord of the Rings nerd. The kind who’s still peeved that that the movie script had Frodo in Osgiliath practically brandishing the One Ring at a Nazgul like a magnesium flare in a coal mine. (“Yoo-hoo, Witch King of Aaaaaang-mar! Who wants a bon-bon?”)

Forget all that. Because the Lord of the Nerds has shown himself. Or themselves, as they are legion. How else can you explain the vision, the dedication, the price paid in sticky fingers and careful shopping, that it took to recreate the most epic armed struggle of the Lord of the Rings trilogy – in candy?

Pelennor Fields

The Battle of the Pelennor Fields has oft been described in lore and song, but never so sweetly. Yes, that’s the Army of the Dead surging into the battlefield from the left, looking as menacing as white and yellow Gummi Bears will ever be. Gondor’s All-Sorts walls battered by great minty projectiles flung by catapaults.

Licorice Grond

That’s right – Grond, the cursed battling ram that smashed the Great Gate of Minas Tirith. Rendered as menacingly as possible, in Twizzlers.

Words fail. Go and see the whole deal at Missed Manners, with tons of bigger, better pictures. (There’s even a video.) Construction took a crew of eight, if I’m counting right, the better part of a week, albeit with “very frequent, very drunken recesses,” according to Dave, the ringleader. (So to speak.)

It comes a year after the crew’s first confectionery combat zone: The Battle of Helm’s Deep. It will surprise no one to learn that intricate details of its design relied upon, of all things, Nerds.

Suggestions are piling up in the Missed Manners comments for the crew’s next sticky-fingered feat. My fave so far: Frodo and Bilbo at the precipice of a fudgy Mount Doom with the One Ring, wrought of white chocolate in the bowels of the earth. Can the Ring be cast into the bubbling cauldron of chocolate fondue in time to save Middle Earth?

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Filed under blogs, dessert, food, stunt-cooking

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